Welcome!

Sup?

Yeah, I'm a blogger who tries to maintain multiple blogs at once. What am I thinking? I guess that they're all part of my story and not everyone is invited to share in the story all at once.

Well, the reason for secrecy in this blog is that I'M PREGNANT! Holy eff... I'm going to go crazy here if I don't get to blog about it.

See here's the thing... it's summer at my job working in a University. I work events so typically the summer is beyond dead. I normally get to take advantage of this by working on some personal projects here and there but a lot of the time, I'm straight up bored.

So here goes nothing....

My BFP Story!

I don't know how to describe how I felt this cycle. At moments I was hopeful, others I was just down in the dumps. Overwhelmingly I thought that I was "out" this cycle. But I knew as far as timing goes, I hit the nail on the head (as it were).

Anyways, I knew we had a shot. Since I was loosely practicing temping and thought I caught a temp rise (much earlier than expected BTW) and as far as "timing" was concerned, well, it was covered.

But I tested early... 9DPO. BFN. 10DPO. BFN. 11DPO... Holy shit is that a line? Like... wait, am I nuts? Is that a line? hmmmm ohhhhkayyyy maybe? Is this line eye? I mean, this was a squinter.

To the non TTC trained eye, you really don't see anything. But if you're skilled in the "Stare-at-an-HPT-until-it-turns-positive" like I am... well you can totally see it. That shadowy figure that showed up within the timeframe. 

So here's what went down. 

I took the test with FMU and basically freaked out internally while I thought to myself what that shadowy line might mean. Of course, optimistic me says BFP! Pessimistic me says evap or false positive. 

So what do I do? 

Well, Brian was about ready to leave. He dropped Nolan off in the bathroom where I stood having just "received" this news from a little 5mm stick not knowing what to do with it. Wait, I knew what to do. Don't tell Brian! He's going to love it when he comes home and sees Nolan in the Big Brother shirt I bought him months ago (sized 4T so I knew we'd get some use out of it if things didn't happen right away). 

Brian leaves Nolan in the bathroom with me, we kiss good bye as he goes to work and I continue getting ready. As Brian walks downstairs I hear him open the door to the garage and the person that took over my body said, "Hey can you come back up here, I need you to look at something!"

The words were out of my mouth before I realized I said them. Dammit. Is it too late to take it back and send him to work? He was already coming up the stairs. If I tell him to leave he'll know something's up. Do I even want him to leave? Shouldn't I share this wonderful world of TTC/staring at HPTs?

He comes in the room and I go, "Am I psycho or is there another line here?"

To my surprise he saw it too! Maybe he had line eye?? We had line eye? That can't be right...

So yeah... I pretty much didn't know what to think at that point.

Brian and I have to part ways instantly after our brief discussion of the is there/isn't there a line here viewing party. So I hardly felt like I got to celebrate it with him.

But I get to celebrate it with Nolan. 

As far as I'm concerned at this point, "a line is a line" and this is worth celebrating. I lifted Nolan up in the air and gave him a bunch of kisses.

After getting ready we went downstairs to the kitchen where I sang, "You're going to be a big brother, HEY! You're going to be a big brother, HEY!" a song which he seemed to LOVE btw because it meant I was dancing with him and throwing him in the air and swinging him around.

Of course I snapped a picture of the HPT (as seen above) and submitted it to a website called CountdownToPregnancy.com. There is a gallery there where people can vote on HPT images and I marked mine as "unsure" and just let the people have at it. Last I checked I believe over 70% called it positive!

At work I planned on dehydrating myself starting at 2:00 so that I could go home and take a FRER HPT to confirm. It worked! I had me a VERY dark 2nd line there.

The next day though (12 DPO)... 

I went to Target and bought 2 more boxes of 3 FRERs in each box, so 6 total. In the afternoon, after a somewhat dry day as far as not drinking enough water, I took another HPT. 

Wah wahhhhh.

The line was significantly lighter. Like almost squintery again. I couldn't chalk it up to it not being FMU because it was still pretty concentrated stuff. It should have at least showed a little bit of an increase right? 

Nope, it was so light.

I actually got really upset with Brian and really sad in general. Heartbreakingly sad. Since I took the HPT in the afternoon, I knew I only had to wait a few hours until nighttime and then I could take another HPT in the morning and see something a little darker.

I really wanted a beer at this point. 

So the next day (13 DPO for those keeping track) I took another test with FMU. Fuck. The line was light again. 

Honestly at this point I felt like I was dealing with a chemical pregnancy. I was heartbroken. But I told Brian I needed to get out of the house and we did. We went to the garden in town and then to Earl May to look at trees for our back yard. Then we went to eat for dinner. With a 2.5 hour nap midday. Not too shabby for this girl.

14 DPO - Today. 

I took an HPT this morning and THANK GOODNESS a line that was significantly darker than the previous THREE tests finally appeared. It doesn't seem like we're having a CP after all!

Do you see why I freaked out between 11 and 12 DPO? 

So for now I'm holding my breath but at least with that 2nd dark line I feel like I might have another take home baby. 

Just for good measure, I got blood drawn around 11 today to see what my HCG levels are. 

EDD is January 25th :)